The last first day of school | Washington DC Lifestyle Photographer
Today was my Finnegan’s first day of preschool. Finnegan is only 3 years, 2 weeks, and 1 day old today. He’s my second son, and my last baby. It was a lot of firsts today, and it was also a lot of lasts. Nobody tells you the vast difference of feelings with your second child. With your first, because everything is new, you can only prep yourself so much but then everything is new. It takes you a while to let things sit and hit you. With your second child, you know what to expect. You brace yourself, and you tend to have that gut wrenching psych out moment. Also, things are different because no two kids are alike.
To say that my first son, Elliott, made it easy for me and my husband would be an understatement. Elliott came out into the world confident, friendly, independent, and vivacious. He’s never met a person that he didn’t want to say hello to. I clung on to that first child moments pretty hard. I didn’t send Elliott to school until he was 3 and a half because I wanted him home. I’m one of those people that just enjoy having my kids with me all the time. His first day of preschool, he didn’t cry, he was confident. But the next day, he knew I was leaving him, he clung on to my legs. My confident child, he wanted his mommy. And to this day, I remember that feeling. I think I had more abandonment issues than my own child. So the thoughts flooded, that if my overly friendly child would cry after me leaving him at school, what more with Finnegan.
Finnegan, he’s so different yet so the same as his older brother. We’re putting him in school not really by choice but by necessity. He was born prematurely, so his entrance to the world has always caused me to be a bit more overprotective of him. He was small and fit right in one hand. He’s stubborn, he’s a fighter, he’s sweet, but he’s also very shy. He’s my first child to just hold on to my knees, and burrow his head in his hand, and those hands on my lap. He’ll always look back to see if I or my husband are there. And he has this habit of just holding on to one finger, to make sure we’re there, just right beside him. We’re not too sure if there is a correlation, but it does tend to happen, but Finnegan is delayed in speech. He has very little words, and he spent the last few months in at home therapy. With the guidance of an amazing team, it was recommended he graduates and continues in an out of home program, preschool, with peers his own age. Away from me.
I work from home a lot, and though you’d think having a toddler at home is hard, we have a good routine, him and I. On mornings after dropping off Elliott at school, we would enjoy a quiet morning of breakfast, clean a bit, and cuddle. Him still in his pajamas. Today I had to let that go. I know I’ll only get it back on days there are no school. I packed my first two lunchboxes. I packed my first two book bags. Not just one anymore. Two. Two kids dressed and ready for school. Two kids bundled up for school.
He didn’t cry. He was shy and found a corner with cars at school. It was raining this morning and I feel like it was just so perfect for how my husband and I felt. I finished these photos just in time to get ready to pick him up again. That last first day of school. But that first day, it always seems to last a little longer, just a touch of eternity. I sure hope he had fun today, because I came home, saw the toys he left prior to leaving for school, and I wept.